Practical

About a month ago, I took a trip up to my university (I live off campus) to speak with a career counselor about getting help with declaring my major. We talked a little bit about my interests and capabilities, and when I finished telling her about myself, I lifted my chin, took a deep breath through my nose and firmly told her:

"I want to make the most sensible choice that will be most likely to give me a successful future career."

I explained how I had some factors in my life that I felt were keeping me from thinking 1000% clearly, and that I wanted her to be blunt about what was best for me. She asked me what the factors were specifically, and I shrugged.

"Well, they're not academic factors so much as they are personal ones, and it's not your job to listen to me gush- I don't know if I should be bringing them up."

As it turned out, she was a psychologist as well as a career counselor, and again invited me to share anything I felt comfortable sharing. I confessed that I had feelings for someone, and was concerned that those feelings would cloud my mind to the point where I didn't make a smart academic decision. I told her I didn't want to be one of those "stupid" girls that put their life on hold for a boy. I told her of my desire to be close to my family, but the trouble I had feeling welcome as an atheist when they were all baptists. I told her I wanted to be happy, but that I knew I needed to be practical. She looked thoughtful and rubbed her chin. I almost expected her to pull the stereotypical "and how do you feel about that?", but instead, she asked:

"Tell me, what would you do if you weren't practical about this and just went with your feelings?"

I didn't hesitate:

"If I wasn't being practical, I'd get the hell out of this city because I hate it, I'd move far away from the judgement I get as an atheist in a family full of baptists, and I'd go try to scrape up the remains of my fucked-up long-distance relationship and either try to tie the loose ends and say a final goodbye, or put it back together because I'm a lonely moron and I can't seem to hate him no matter how I try."



The rest of the conversation was spent talking about finding the balance between strictly practical and strictly wishful. She told me that well-being in the present was just as important as my potential future career. She assured me that if  I felt like moving away and trying to salvage a broken relationship or tie the ends and finish it off, it would improve the way I felt and give me closure (one way or the other), and that I should do that AND pursue my major. That was when I learned I had the option to do an online major. I figured it would kill many birds with one stone- I would be able to live away from that dreaded college town, it would free me up to move wherever I wanted and not be forced to live in close proximity to the blatant differences between me and my family, and I would be free to go tie loose ends.

All in all, this woman made me realize that practical is more than just doing the best thing career-wise, but that practical has a lot to do with being emotionally happy enough to be in a position to prepare myself for that future career. I've realized that my inability to change factors in my life that were bothering me has been keeping me emotionally down. Feeling stuck where I don't feel loved has me feeling depressed. And with this change in my ability to rid of the factors I don't like, I hope to lift my spirits.