My Plan of Action

I pray anyone who reads will take my words and apply any to their lives that seem suitable...in the hopes that I may help them while I try to help myself...

So, I bought fake nails for the first time. And when I put them on, I immediately felt like ghetto diva. But on the plus side, I haven’t removed a single scab or produced a single drop of blood since.  On the other hand, typing takes forever, and I feel a little silly over some of the simple things I have trouble doing on my own, like buttoning things and untying knots. But it’s worth it to know I’m healing, and with practice, I’m sure I’ll be just as capable as before.

I know I mentioned that I would be starting my Habit Reversal Training, but I think I need to begin with practicing simple meditation and mindfulness first. Why? Because it seems to me that meditation is actually a significant part of Habit Reversal Training. And after failing with my HRT the first time, I think perhaps I need to start with mastering that basic concept.

While I practice and improve the meditation skills that will hopefully help heal my insides, though, I also hope to heal on the outside by taking away my ability to pick with the fake nails (they are a temporary helper, but not an answer) and practicing another concept. I can’t recall the actual name of it at present, but I would refer to it as “Recognition without Action”.  It’s about being mindful and about recognizing the urge, and realizing that you don’t have to do anything about it. That you can ride it out (I would assume through meditation in part). I personally plan to challenge myself. I know that mirrors are a dangerous thing for me sometimes, but rather than accidentally seeing something in the mirror as I pass it and reacting, I plan to purposefully go to the mirror and practice simply keeping my hands in my lap, meeting my own eyes, and reminding myself that:

1.       I am beautiful inside, and want to reflect that on the outside by showing myself love.

2.       I have been strong, am strong, and will continue to be strong.

3.       I can get my feelings out without hurting my skin

4.       The relief I will get from picking is temporary

5.       The perceived poison is in my mind, not my skin- I need to cleanse my mind rather than pick.

The concept I am referring to can be found here in this interview (a link I’ve posted before, but will post again): http://www.skinpick.com/interviews/jonhershfield

After I feel like I can meditate successfully, and practice “Recognition without Action”, I will try again with the Habit Reversal Training. I believe I have been failing because I am eager to heal, and have been jumping the gun and trying to do all of these concepts at once without practicing them by themselves first. I need to start with one and build on it. I need to develop a routine, write it down, and commit to it.

So here it goes.

MY PLAN OF ACTION:

1.       Every morning, I vow to practice meditating alone in a peaceful spot outside.

2.       Every evening, I vow to look intentionally in the mirror and remind myself of the concepts mentioned above:

·         I am beautiful inside, and want to reflect that on the outside by showing myself love.

·         I have been strong, am strong, and will continue to be strong.

·         I can get my feelings out without hurting my skin

·         The relief I will get from picking is temporary

·         The perceived poison is in my mind, not my skin- I need to cleanse my mind rather than pick.

3.       In the times in between morning and evening, and the times between evening and morning, I vow to:

·         Try my best to remember what I learned from my meditation and “recognition without action”.

·         Try to respond to my urges to pick by practicing loving and healing actions like putting on bandages and lotions, and oils.

4.       I will remember that failing, falling, and stumbling don’t make me a failure or a disappointment. They make me human. And it will be okay anyway.

I will heal.