Simple Tools; Ruthless Weapons

Some of these will sound crazy. Some of them may be frightening; others, disturbing. But all of them are true, and all of it needs to be said. Though I'm sorry for what I do, I will not claim to be sorry for what I say. So without further delay....

Everyday things I misuse to abuse my skin:

#1 Bobby Pins

 

http://www.thesmallthingsblog.com/2011/12/so-what-is-deal-with-bobby-pins-anyway.html

Seemingly harmless tools that were meant to be used for hair. Only, as of late especially (though off and on before), I've developed the unhealthy practice of using them on my face and body to try and scrape away "impurities". Does it work? In a way. But for the most part, I simply get little red, bruise-like indents in my skin that further embarrass me.

#2 Tweezers

http://www.beautysage.com/products/artisan-tweezer-cheetah-print

Yes, I do own a pair that look like this. If you knew me personally, you wouldn't be surprised. But no matter how well you know me, you may be surprised to learn that I use tweezers to help me pick on occasion. Both ends. I use the blunt end like I use bobby pins. As for the other end, I don't think I really need to explain. Either way, it's not good.

#3 Nail Clippers

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-nail-scissors.htm

If my finger nails can't get it (probably because I clipped them off with the very same clippers), and I get upset enough about a wound or a spot, my clippers come out from time to time. Again, I don't think I need to explain how I use them against myself. It's simply unsettling that I do.

#4 Sewing Needles

http://mmp-stock.deviantart.com/art/BASIC-TERMS-Sewing-Needle-39552893


I use needles far less frequently...maybe not even frequently enough to be mentioned. But that fact that I've even done it before places it on the list.


I don't know what comes over me that makes me think using any of these items this way will solve or heal anything. During those times when I practice my compulsion a little more "unconsciously"
and innocently, I would describe it as a momentary lapse of judgement sometimes. But then there are times when I feel anger toward my skin or surroundings and almost feel like I'm inflicting a much-deserved punishment on myself for some sort of shortcoming. During those times, I would call it using them as weapons. Blatantly.

Which brings me to my final tool/weapon:

#5 My Hands

http://ecosoulintellectual.blogspot.com/2011/05/bloody-hands-on-your-watch-obama.html

My hands are the most complex tools on this list, as they are the ones that put the rest of these tools to use. My hands have the power to use them for my benefit or my destruction (though I realize the brain controls the hands, in turn). It is my hands that pick, that prod, that poke, that scrape, that dance a restless dance over my skin. Hopefully one day I can teach them a better dance that will take the place of the one they practice presently; a constructive one that brings me relief that lasts longer than five seconds. One that lets my body reflect the beauty inside.

My hands will heal.