Healing Hands: Advice from Al Anon

I try to follow these to the best of my ability. But no one is perfect.

The first one is difficult, as sometimes in his drunken state, my alcoholic has approached me as though I was a mother-figure who might scold or punish him for accidents like knocking things over. Sometimes it's hard not to approach him with a mother-like compassion or tone of voice when I'm trying to soothe drunken anger as well.

I am also guilty of the third bullet point. I once hid a case of beer. It did not end well. Additionally, I once felt that my alcoholic had been at the bar too long and began to worry, so on my way to get snacks at the store, I made a pit stop to check up and make sure he wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere. I watched him from afar, and my intentions were good, but this too did not end well, as I was accused of spying and stalking and being obsessed.

The fifth bullet point is something I've failed at more times than I can count. Allowing arguments to happen has hurt me many times, and contributed to things escalating to a physical level at one point. DO NOT argue, just walk away. And even if the alcoholic follows you and tries to continue the argument, DON'T get sucked in and keep your distance.

The sixth bullet point is important for helping prevent you from taking the blame for painful encounters with your alcoholic. Remembering the "Three C's" also helps me with my self-forgiveness for past mistakes in my situation.

The above photo is perhaps one of the hardest to accept. The alcoholic must get help on their own time. Even if they realize they have a problem, they may think they can solve it alone. And even if they realize they can't, they have to be willing to act on that realization. I view it as similar to the difference between forcing a child to take music lessons, or them freely choosing to take music lessons; which child do you think will be happier and more successful?

I can only fix me: