Applying the 12 Steps of A.A. to Dermatillomania

12 Steps Toward Healing

Some people might find this blog complicated. Some people may think it focuses on too many issues. That should either focus on skin issues or alcoholism, but not both. But in many ways, dealing with dermatillomaniacs is similar to dealing with alcoholics. And I personally have explored the idea of using the 12 steps of Al-Anon/ A.A. for help with my picking. If you replace the word "alcoholism" with "dermatillomania" and replace the word "drinking"and "alcohol" with "scratching", the 12 steps become a tool for those with CSP issues.

1. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable"

 I am powerless over the fact that I have a disorder. I can only do my best to learn how to cope and not allow it to take over my life. My alcoholic can’t control that he is an alcoholic. He will always be one. It’s simply a matter of learning how to cope and function normally.

2. "We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"

The power of self-forgiveness, faith, and the power of group support and the understanding of others will help restore me. I cannot achieve health by simply “not picking”, just as an alcoholic can’t achieve health by simply not drinking. Support and inner growth and learning are needed.

3. "We made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of god as we understood him"

I interpret this one as learning to let go of control. Because trying to control drinking or picking will only stress you out when you fail time after time. Because it’s not in your hands. This is not a puppet show where you control all the moves; it’s a chess game where you control about half of them. Each day is a game you try to win by watching your opponent’s moves and trying to make the smartest ones you can in return.  It’s coping that you should be trying to do, not controlling.

4. "We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves"

I know I have done myself wrong. I know I have likely lied to people to try and hide my problem. Just as many alcoholics try to hide their problem. In taking a moral inventory, I would recall all of the times I’ve been dishonest or hurt someone as a result of my picking.

5.  "We admitted to god, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs"The alcoholic or picker would need to stop any internal denial of the fact that they had a problem before they could ever get better. For me, I this blog is my confession to "another person": I'm a scratcher. I hurt myself. I don't want to, but I do. And I'm working to stop and heal.

6. "We were entirely ready to have god remove all these defects of character"

I interpret this as willingness to heal. The alcoholic or picker needs to be ready to stop. Sometimes they’re perfectly satisfied to be a drunk or perfectly satisfied to be a picker. Someone who doesn’t have a problem with their actions has no motivation to get better and therefore will not get better. I am ready to be done picking. And if you don’t believe that, take a look at the video in my very first blog entry.

7. "We humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings"

I interpret this as the alcoholic or picker needing to be willing to ask for help, and understanding that they need it and can’t simply “cut back” or go cold-turkey. But know that no one else is simply going to "remove" your shortcomings. Shortcomings take time and effort to overcome.

8. "We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all"

A follow up of numbers four and five, the alcoholic or picker needs to be willing to call themselves out for the things they’ve done. Sometimes the hardest person to admit the truth to is yourself when you feel rotten. Adding weight to your already burdened shoulders is not easy.

9. "We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others"

Also a follow-up of numbers four and five, the alcoholic or picker would apologize to those they’ve hurt, admit their problem, and try to do what we could to make any wrongs right. For me, I admitted to my other half that I had an issue, and that I had inadvertently lied to him because I tried to cling to any reason I could possibly find for my skin issues. I was denying the truth because I felt alone and afraid, not knowing there was a world full of people who did the same thing.

10. "We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, we promptly admitted it"

To follow numbers 8 and 9, the alcoholic or picker should continue to make things right by learning to identify and admit promptly when they need to make an apology, rather than waiting until another huge wave of guilt to come around. I, for example, would apologize for snapping at someone and getting defensive about my picking when they were only trying to help. Sorry Nate. Sorry Malinda.

11. "We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with god as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and to carry that out"

I interpret this as saying that the alcoholic or picker should spend time reflecting on themselves and their actions and trying to understand what drives them to pick or drink in order to help them heal.

12. "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs"


Lather, rinse, repeat. Don’t just try each step once and think you’ll be healed. Wake up to the fact that life is a continuous process of growth. You stumble, you get up, you walk, and maybe you stumble again, but that’s okay. You will never stop being a picker or an alcoholic if you are one. Why? It’s part of you. And I believe people with issues like this have something in their DNA that makes them susceptible to specific issues, unlike some who believe that alcoholism and the like are matters of choice. Because believe me, if it was a simple matter of choice, I know a man who would be able to sleep without a single drop of beer, and I know a girl who would have the skin of an angel. All we can do is come clean about reality and try our best to heal.

And we will.

Peace.